Watch Jersey shore season 3 episode 3

jersey shore, jersey shore where s the beach, is the post office open on martin luther king day, watch jersey shore season 3 episode 3, jersey shore season 2 
['Jersey Shore' - 'Where's the Beach?']

I'm writing this from my hotel room at DisneyWorld, and being here all day made me realize one thing ... there are lots of people fatter than me. Then it made me realize something entirely different ... the Jersey shore is DisneyWorld for douchebags.

When some chick wins a wet t-shirt contest, and the local radio shock jock says, "You just won Miss Wet T-shirt, Yonkers! What are you going to do now?", she answers with a Patrón-soaked, "I'm going to the Jersey shore."

When a greasy bro wins a dance-off after taking off his vest and flossing his crotch with it, and the cop arresting him for lewd behavior asks him what he's going to do next, you know, after a night in the drunk tank, he arrogantly replies, "I'm going down the shore" to the guy brazenly taking a dump next to him in the cell.

It's no wonder MTV decided to air a special Monday episode of 'Jersey Shore,' to inspire us all toward new peaks of idiocy and debauchery, and to help us all cope with the new Zodiac sign and all its profoundly life-changing implications.

The tide had finally turned for Sammi and Ronnie, which means Sammi's distrust of Ronnie was quickly surpassing her hatred for Snooki, and she resented Ronnie for turning them against each other. So much for Sammi and Ronnie providing an emotional center for the show. Ronnie flipped his lid and told her to do what she had to do ... which is, most likely, some sort of exotic waxing.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen Snooki was perpetually hammered and eating a raw potato for everyone's general amusement, and somehow her, "Say you're stuck in the cornfields" defense of the odd behavior made sense, because if you're stuck in the cornfields with Snooki you will certainly pray for a potato to eat to distract you from her unholy manner and odor.

It's old news that Deena wants Mike. Hell, it's old news that Deena wants a milkshake, so to help Deena get with Mike, Snooki offers herself to sweeten the deal only to pull the old "let's have a threesome until I get disoriented and go to a different room, leaving you with my friend who is obsessed with you" switcheroo. Mike was not impressed. Deena's just not a holiday that The Situation observes. The whole scenario was "like havin' chicken put on the table, with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken, and you're left with salt and pepper." So, in this equation, Snooki is the chicken?! I would think that taking Snooki out of any equation other than a piranha attack was a good thing.

In her haste to unite Mike and Deena, Snooki bee-lined it for Vinny, but Vinny turned her down because he didn't want to take advantage of a sloppy Snooki. Just think how many men would still be virgins if they shared similar standards. Ultimately, Vinny does care about Snooki, when she simply wishes he'd "Stop caring and f@#k me." Hear that young girls? Words to eventually hate yourself by.

Pauly and Snook headed out for some well earned GTL. Snooki at the gym is like a muppet in a trucker hat -- you have to keep looking at her to make sure she's real, and even after an hour, you're still not sure. After they squabbled over who has darker skin, or oranger skin, they worked their way back to the topic of Sammi, and it was apparent that Snooki had yet to write her off completely, like Jenni.

Sammi needed to put Miami behind her and get out of her own head. She just couldn't trust Ronnie anymore, even if he hadn't done anything. At the beginning of this season, they were like the old married couple, but now they're showing their youth, having the "skeleton in the closet" talk. Ronnie's defensive attitude didn't help assuage the tension, and his analogy didn't help much either: "I need a mind condom because I'm being mind-f@#ked." So, if Ronnie has a condom on his mind, and he's being mind-f@#ked by Sammi, how did Ronnie get chlamydia?

Ronnie then went out to punch his problems with Mike. They both agreed that Sammi was the impetus of the problem, and that when Mike asked him, "You know what I mean?" he did, in fact, know what he meant. Everyone knows what you mean, Michael! You don't have to continually check to see if we're keeping up with your train of thought. We know what you mean when you say everything.

Sammi, Pauly and Snook went to "work." The whole work thing is already wearing pretty thin. It just makes everyone look even more shallow than they already are, always complaining about going to "work" at a t-shirt shop for what is most likely an hour a week. Sammi finally apologized to Snooki, realizing that what Snooki had been telling her was true, and that she was looking out for her best interest, Sammi just didn't want to hear it at the time. It was damn near genuine.

Then it was Deena's turn on the Sammi Apology Tour, which is only going to make things a different kind of awkward, because there's no tour stop lined up for Jenni, and now Deena and Snooki had to figure out how to break the news to Jenni. She would not be so forgiving.

Once again, it was t-shirt time at Karma, and someone needs to start sounding a trumpet to commence the endless primping. Pauly was so bold as to say "My prediction is somebody needs to carry her (Deena) out of the club tonight." Gutsy call, Pauly. Next, are you going to predict that girls are awesome? That would both shock and impress us all. Even though Deena's best thing was dancing, she was just sloppy enough to get booted from the bar within ten minutes of getting there.

They were trying to develop this whole Jenni relationship angle with random aggravating phone calls to Tom and running into her ex, Roger, at the club only to land upstairs with Snooki, peeing on the floor behind the bar. There's just too much going on for anyone, Jenni included, to care about someone who's not on the show. I don't even care about the people on the show, let alone someone sitting at home waiting for someone from the show to call him.

"DTF-O-Meters" were spiking all night as Vinny getting some, begat The Situation scoring, begat Pauly passing out due to lack of interest from his "lady" friend. They all took turns watching Ronnie parlay a mound of frozen turkey burgers into a scrumptious late-night snack. This was possibly a sign of things to come with the newly freed Ronnie, now he's back with the boys.

Snooki's epic drunkenness really held the show together. It all kept coming back to Snooki being a puddle. She went to work in the same dress she wore out the night before, and went to get shots under the guise of a coffee break at ten in the morning. She has a lot of old school, Ruthie from 'The Real World: Hawaii' in her, drinking and annoying others-wise. She did make a good point to her boss, however, stating that "This isn't like law school, this is a t-shirt shop."

The perfect storm was indeed brewing as Jenni and Deena went out to get some hangover coffees. They were bound to run into Snooki at a bar -- that's just the law of averages -- but Snooki was too far gone for even the girls to deal with. The beach suddenly caught her fancy, and the girls made valiant efforts to keep her out of her own, and harm's, way. But alas, to no avail. After a faceplant in the sand, the cops came to escort Snooki off the beach, a gesture that Snooki took offense to, landing her in jail, wher we can only hope she stays for the rest of the season.

Mini-List -- Reasons Why the Gang Thought Snooki was Being Arrested:

"Drunken public intoxication"
"For being a nuisance"
"Drunken and indecency"
"Intoxication in the public"
"Public intoxication"
"Threatening a cop"
and "Public indecency"

Head-shaking quotes:

"A lot of guys might think I'm crazy for not wanting to [have sex with Snooki]." - Vinny
Nope.

"Oh my God, bitch. You're such a whore. Why were you like that?" - Snooki, to Sammi
I learned it from watching you!

"You brought me into this house, and Jenni has had my back since day one." - Deena
Wasn't "day one" two days ago?

"We just got chemistry, you know? And I'm not talking about the class." - Mike
I thought I did know, until you said you weren't talking about chemistry at school. Now I'm confused.

"Seriously, like, who pees in a bar?" - Snooki
People who eat potatoes in cornfields?

"I keep getting camel toe, I feel." - Deena
If you feel you have camel toe, you have camel toe.

"My vagina's out." - Snooki
Of its cage?

"She's like a 3,000-pound man. She's like a bulldozer." - Jenni, on Snooki
Nothing's as scary as a 3,000lb. man with his vagina out.

Soul Snatch:

I'm not going to lie, I lost a lot of my precious soul today. Most acutely during a scene where Snooki walked some old people through a body shot procedural, prompting her to float the idea of becoming a sex therapist. It's 30% soul depletion.

'Jersey Shore' airs Thursdays, 10PM ET on MTV.

Dr. Vaughan teaches English/Media/Humor courses at Binghamton University in upstate New York, and he knows what Willis is talkin' 'bout. You can also check out his blog at drvtv.wordpress.com or www.facebook.com/pages/Ryan-Vaughan/21931402981
It was the Very Special Episode that Jersey Shore watchers have been waiting for since the reports last summer of a certain Nicole Polizzi being arrested for public intoxication. Given Snooki’s tendency to be publicly drunk throughout the show’s two-plus seasons, the question remained: just how much more drunk did she have to get to finally be arrested for it? The answer: Considerably so. It seems the inability to stand played a large part in her detainment. Also all the swearing at the cops. We’ll get to that in a bit, but first, the rest of the episode, presented with themed quotes:
“I need a mind condom. I’m being mind [BLEEP]ed.”
Sage words from young Ronnie, who as the episode begins is bewildered by Sammi’s sudden insistence that he confess to her what he has “done.” Ronnie, having dutifully sat in the bedroom with her for most of the time since their arrival at Seaside, is rather puzzled by this demand. They get into a large, loud screaming match — actually, it’s only Ronnie doing the screaming — but the end result of it all is that Sammi has had a revelation: Snooki and Jenni were right to have warned her about Ronnie’s cheating ways, way back in Miami. So, to sum up: when Ronnie WAS cheating on her, Sammi was mad at her friends for telling her, but now that he is NOT cheating on her, she is mad at him and grateful to them. Sammi: possibly insane.
“Just break the [BLEEP] the up and call it a day.”
Mike utters the words that millions of people have been hollering at their televisions for some time now. Ronnie and Sammi keep declaring that they love each other, but all the evidence suggests they don’t even like each other all that much. And despite the big fight, neither seems inclined to break it off.
“I owe you an apology”
Sammi tells Snooki that she realizes her friends were only looking out for her, and she’s sorry to have not believed them. (This in itself is a bit odd, because Ronnie confessed to having messed around on her. She already knew the girls were telling the truth.) Anyway, Snooki accepts the apology, which is followed by Deena and Sammi also mending fences. Notably, Sammi does not apologize to Jenni. “I think she’s scared of you,” Snooki tells Jenni. “I would be too,” Jenni says. For the record, I also would be scared of her. Girl can throw a punch.
“Obviously being together is unhealthy. But maybe being unhealthy makes us stronger.”
Ronnie offers possibly the worst assessment of a relationship ever. Paging Dr. Phil! To Seaside Heights, stat!
“This is called rock bottom.”
Danny, owner of the T-shirt shop, assesses Snooki’s state when, after a long night of partying, she spends her time at the shop trying to steal beers from the fridge. She says she needs a coffee, but instead finds a bar where she does some shots and gets an order of deep-fried pickles. BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS. Deena and Jenni happen by — they actually are getting coffee — and find Snooki coaching an older couple into doing shots off of each other. They take this as a troubling sign. “She’s on a 24-hour binger,” Jenni observes. It’s probably more like a 72-hour binger, to be honest, but point taken.
“There’s no controlling that 4-foot-9 girl.”
Snooki, now obscenely drunk, suddenly darts from the bar and heads for the beach. It is literally about 20 feet from where she was sitting, but she runs off in search of it, leading to scene in which she runs along the boardwalk — which is RIGHT ALONGSIDE THE BEACH — and asks people for directions to the beach. It turns out Danny was wrong: THIS is rock bottom. Deena and Jenni trail frantically as Snooki finally finds the beach, then falls flat on her face in the sand. The girls try to drag her away, but she keeps flopping on the sand. Police take notice. Jenni warns her that she will be arrested if she keeps this up and lo, it comes to pass. The police who help her off the beach might have left it at that, but Snooki curses like a sailor at them, and they decide to take her to the drunk tank. “She’s drunk and disorderly. She’s causing a scene,” one of the officers advises Jenni. No one can